[ Transcript from Sun Room recorder, 1 of 3 ] 

LYN: I wouldn’t do that if I were you. 

FRANK: Do what? 

LYN: Activate the F.A.R.M. module. 

FRANK: And why not? Wait, why am I listening to the crook who turned me into a mustache? 

LYN: Because I’m smarter than you in every way imaginable, and you know it. 

FRANK: [UNINTELLIGIBLE MUMBLING] 

LYN: Sorry, speak up. Can’t hear your begrudging agreement through all this glass. 

FRANK: Gimme one good reason I should trust anything you say, Lyn. 

LYN: What are you so afraid of? You and your cronies shrunk me down and trapped me in a snail jar, so what harm could I possibly do from in here? 

FRANK: Knowing you, plenty. 

LYN: Do what you want, Snot Mop, but don’t come crying to me when you trigger the Cauldrangea glitch that spreads out to every Mind File across the entire sim. 

FRANK: Pfff! There ain’t no Cauldrangea glitch. 

LYN: Oh, no? Then why do you think we’ve been having stability issues ever since Stone and Bell went bumbling around in my secret asset database? 

FRANK: That was just a little fluctuation, is all. 

LYN: A little? If you activate the F.A.R.M. module, all my hard work will go down the space crapper. 

FRANK: YOUR hard work? 

LYN: Fine, OUR hard work. Don’t forget, Flavor Saver, if the ATP fails, so do we. 

FRANK: OK, I’ll bite. What would you do? 

LYN: Let me out, and I’ll tell you. 

FRANK: Right. Thanks for the reminder. 

LYN: Reminder for what? 

FRANK: To finish installing that Mute Button on your terrarium. 

[ End of transcript ] 

[ Transcript from Sun Room recorder, 2 of 3 ] 

FRANK: Hmmm. Somethin’ ain’t right. 

LYN: I told youuu. You’re about to make a huge mistake… 

FRANK: Enough with that already. 

LYN: Once you start the module, Astroneers will harvest Cauldrangea to make biofuel, and the next thing you know, they’ll be dropping like flies. 

FRANK: Not a chance. I’m here to protect the crew from anything that can go wrong in the ATP. Including you. 

LYN: There’s an easy fix for this, Face Lace. 

FRANK: Is that a fact? 

LYN: Yep. Just need to swap harvest items and shelve Cauldragea until you can do some surgery on its code. Easy fix.  

FRANK: Swap Cauldrangea with what? 

LYN: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. 

FRANK: You can bet on that, small fry. 

LYN: But here’s the best part! The asset swap would not only avert a total catastrophe, but also the replacement is WAAAAY more efficient, which means A TON more biofuel, which means happy, shiny Astroneers as far as the eye can see. Lyn saves the world—again.  

FRANK: So, what’s the catch? 

LYN: Thought you didn’t believe me. 

FRANK: I don’t. I’m just humoring you. 

LYN: Yuck it up, mustache. My fix is going to save everyone, including your hairy hide! 

FRANK: Sure, it is. 

LYN: Fine! Be that way. Go ahead and kill you and me and everyone left in this virtual kindergarten—see if I care! 

FRANK: Just spill it already. What’s the swap? 

LYN: Say please. 

FRANK: I’m about two seconds away from ejecting you from the Sun Room into orbit. 

LYN: OK, OK… You got something to write this down? I know your memory is a little— 

FRANK: LYN! 

LYN: Snail poop. 

FRANK: … 

LYN: Seriously. Galastropod manure has a biofuel conversion rate of approximately ten-to-twelve times that of Cauldrangea. All you gotta do is harvest some, use your admin tools to get the asset ID, swap it out with Cauldrangea, and BOOM—”Fuel Acquisition, Renewal, and Maintenance” instantly becomes everyone’s favorite module ever in the history of the ATP! You’re welcome.  

[ SILENCE ] 

LYN: You still there? 

[ LONGER SILENCE ] 

LYN: Frank? 

[ Transcript from Sun Room recorder, 3 of 3 ] 

FRANK: Well, Carrington. Looked into your whole “swap fix” situation. 

LYN: Great! Apology accepted. Now didn’t that feel good to get off your whiskers? A deeply felt, sincere-as-hell thanks might not kill you either, if I’m being honest. 

FRANK: It didn’t work. 

LYN: What do you mean, “It didn’t work?” 

FRANK: It means, your fix was bunk. 

LYN: Well, obviously you implemented it wrong. 

FRANK: There’s no such thing as “snail poop,” Lyn. Turns out, Galastropods don’t excrete in the simulation. 

LYN: Did you inspect them thoroughly? 

FRANK: ‘Course I did! 

LYN: And did you check (clearing her throat) ALL the snails? 

FRANK: All of ’em! 

LYN: … 

FRANK: Stilgar was none too pleased, I tell ya that much! The little booger even tried to bite me! Didn’t know he had it…in him… 

LYN: [STIFFLED LAUGHTER] 

FRANK: Ah. I see what’s going on here. 

LYN: BWAHAHAHAHAA!! 

FRANK: Suppose that’s what I get for listening to a word you say. 

LYN: (Barely containing herself) You—haha—are the biggest—heehee—most gullible—hahaa—IDIOT in the entire ATP! HAHAHAA!! 

FRANK: Guess the F.A.R.M. module is fine as is then, eh? 

LYN: (Laughing) Forget the ATP…you might be King Moron…of all of EXO Dynamics!! 

FRANK: Alright, just gonna hit this little button here and… 

LYN: I mean, I’ve had to deal with some absolute imbeciles in my day, but you— 

[SILENCE] 

FRANK: (Sighing) That’s better. F.A.R.M. module…and Mute Button…are fully operational.